As Ye Sew...
It appears that the the latest presidential bulge pictures --- the one in the middle of his back, this time --- are making their way into the major news media. And the White House has no decent explanation for them. Indeed, they seem to be in a bit of a tizzy.
First they said that pictures showing the bulge might have been doctored. But then, when the bulge turned out to be clearly visible in the television footage of the evening, they offered a different explanation.
"There was nothing under his suit jacket," said Nicolle Devenish, a campaign spokeswoman.
"It was most likely a rumpling of that portion of his suit jacket, or a wrinkle in the fabric."
Ms. Devenish could not say why the "rumpling" was rectangular.
Nor was the bulge from a bulletproof vest, according to campaign and White House officials; they said Mr. Bush was not wearing one.
This article on the BBC web-site, hilariously headlined "Bush's bulge stirs media rumours" is equally skeptical of the explanations, but they go the extra mile and interview the president's tailor, who says that it was simply a pucker. A perfectly rectangular pucker.
I believe that the identity of Hopalong Bushie's tailor ... a man profiled here on Hillnews.com named Georges de Paris, provides the answer to the mystery of the bulge:
Georges de Paris — that’s his real name — is a household name at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., where he is regularly summoned these days from his cluttered shop two blocks away to measure and fit President Bush, just as he did his father and every other president of the last 40 years.
[...]
de Paris, who became a U.S. citizen in 1969, met the current president while altering slacks for his father. Shortly after the younger Bush was declared the winner of the contested 2000 election, the White House called again.
[...]
Since then, de Paris has made numerous visits to the White House, often on a crash basis, to add a suit or sport coat to the president’s wardrobe or to measure and fit aides like Chief of Staff Andrew Card for custom-made suits that cost between $2,000 and $3,000.
Oooh la la. Monsieur de Paris charges quite the pretty penny for his creations, doesn't he?
I hate to say it, but of I were a NASCAR dad or a security mom, I'd be more than a little bit concerned that this french "tailor" may have put that perfectly rectangular bulge in the preznit's suit to spy for Chirac. It's just the kind of thing those old Europeans do...
And just what in the heck is our manly preznit doing letting some man named Georges, ("Zhorzh — that’s what everyone, including the president, calls him") touch his bulges in a time of war, anyway? Couldn't they find a tailor from one of the allied countries like Uzbekhistan or Poland?
At the very least, it is more than a little unwise to allow nefarious french tailors to undermine the president's credibility by placing suspicious rectangular "puckers" in his clothing. Georges de Paris is obviously an unlawful combatant. Send him to Gitmo and force him to wear one of those horrid bright orange jumpsuits. We'll find out the truth soon enough.